I find myself tentatively getting more and more into EGL again? I say tentatively because what I'm wearing here is otome, but baby steps. I used to be really into EGL fashion and would go so far as to call myself a 'lifestyle lolita' at one time. But then my confidence crashed and I sold everything as I didn’t like the attention it drew in public. That's an issue I've always had with any fashion, I love expressing myself through my clothing and the act of putting an outfit together and looking on the outside as I feel on the inside. But when you wear things that are considered a bit more extravagant you are perceived, and that's where things start to feel uncomfy. Part of this comes from other people's behavior towards me, but honestly it mostly comes from myself and my own fear of taking up space.
I've dabbled in other styles too over the years, but for whatever reason I've always wistfully come back to Japanese street fashion again and again. I've bought a dress here or there, especially when I was actually living in Japan, but I could never quite work up the courage to actually wear them. I'm not entirely sure what's triggered it, I think part of it has been living in Korea and feeling myself trying to shrink down even more and go unnoticed so as not to be marked as 'the foreigner', but I got really angry with myself about it a few months ago. Why should I scuttle around unnoticed in the background? I have just as much right to take up space as anyone else! I'm still trying to repeat this like a mantra to myself everyday, but it's slowly working, and as this confidence has grown so has my desire to wear what makes me happy. Although I'm in Korea (although I'm going to Japan next month!!!) it's still obviously a lot less to pay for shipping than it would be from Europe so I've been making the most of that and ordered a few things from Closet Child. And I can't remember the last time I felt so much like me! I wore this outfit into Seoul, and while I was waiting for my food in a restaurant I noticed two older Korean ladies kept staring at me and naturally it set off all of my usual negative thinking. Until one of them came up to me all smiles, saying "Pretty woman! Very beautiful!" and it absolutely made my day. I need to be kinder to myself and stop assuming the worst of everyone - it isn't fair to me or them. I know I'm not alone in these thought patterns, and really it's strange that it's the first place our thoughts go to when we see someone looking at us. Especially as I often look at people to admire what they're wearing, so I don't know why I don't give myself that same grace. It's frustrating as well because I never used to care so much, and I want to get back to that old me.
I don't really want to be a proper lolita again, I just want to incorporate my favorite elements of it and not be afraid of it anymore. I've found a lot of other inspirations between then and now, and I'd like to try and mix all of them and find something that's just me. But I am having fun playing with fashion again and wearing things that bring me joy.
dress - Emily Temple Cute // cutsew - Innocent World // headbow - Angelic Pretty // bag - Fjallraven // shoes - Keds // necklace - Tatty Devine // socks - some market in Seoul