Smile like you mean it and let yourself let go

I find myself tentatively getting more and more into EGL again? I say tentatively because what I'm wearing here is otome, but baby steps. I used to be really into EGL fashion and would go so far as to call myself a 'lifestyle lolita' at one time. But then my confidence crashed and I sold everything as I didn’t like the attention it drew in public. That's an issue I've always had with any fashion, I love expressing myself through my clothing and the act of putting an outfit together and looking on the outside as I feel on the inside. But when you wear things that are considered a bit more extravagant you are perceived, and that's where things start to feel uncomfy. Part of this comes from other people's behavior towards me, but honestly it mostly comes from myself and my own fear of taking up space.

I've dabbled in other styles too over the years, but for whatever reason I've always wistfully come back to Japanese street fashion again and again. I've bought a dress here or there, especially when I was actually living in Japan, but I could never quite work up the courage to actually wear them. I'm not entirely sure what's triggered it, I think part of it has been living in Korea and feeling myself trying to shrink down even more and go unnoticed so as not to be marked as 'the foreigner', but I got really angry with myself about it a few months ago. Why should I scuttle around unnoticed in the background? I have just as much right to take up space as anyone else! I'm still trying to repeat this like a mantra to myself everyday, but it's slowly working, and as this confidence has grown so has my desire to wear what makes me happy. Although I'm in Korea (although I'm going to Japan next month!!!) it's still obviously a lot less to pay for shipping than it would be from Europe so I've been making the most of that and ordered a few things from Closet Child. And I can't remember the last time I felt so much like me! I wore this outfit into Seoul, and while I was waiting for my food in a restaurant I noticed two older Korean ladies kept staring at me and naturally it set off all of my usual negative thinking. Until one of them came up to me all smiles, saying "Pretty woman! Very beautiful!" and it absolutely made my day. I need to be kinder to myself and stop assuming the worst of everyone - it isn't fair to me or them. I know I'm not alone in these thought patterns, and really it's strange that it's the first place our thoughts go to when we see someone looking at us. Especially as I often look at people to admire what they're wearing, so I don't know why I don't give myself that same grace. It's frustrating as well because I never used to care so much, and I want to get back to that old me.

I don't really want to be a proper lolita again, I just want to incorporate my favorite elements of it and not be afraid of it anymore. I've found a lot of other inspirations between then and now, and I'd like to try and mix all of them and find something that's just me. But I am having fun playing with fashion again and wearing things that bring me joy.

dress - Emily Temple Cute // cutsew - Innocent World // headbow - Angelic Pretty // bag - Fjallraven // shoes - Keds // necklace - Tatty Devine // socks - some market in Seoul

"We each need to find our own inspiration, Kiki. Sometimes it's not easy."

I went to a Kiki's Delivery Service themed Cafe on Saturday with my friend, it was so cute! I first met Crystal when we were both working in Japan, now we both work in Korea and only live about an hour apart, it's funny how that can happen. This was the first time we had a chance to meet, and we're both hoping it'll happen again before I leave. The cafe was her idea, and I couldn't have been happier with it. Kiki's Delivery Service is one of my favorite Ghibli movies, even more so since moving to new countries. I relate to Kiki's feelings of losing herself and trying desperately to hold on and start over.

The cafe was so cute, unfortunately photos weren't allowed inside. I had the cherry soda, the apple cinnamon Jiji mug tart (the mug was made of sweet pastry, and inside was fresh sliced apples in a cinnamon syrup topped with colored cream) and a lemon blueberry bundt cake. It was way too much food, I was done after just the bundt cake, but it was delicious. There was also a Studio Ghibli shop that I spent way too much money in.

Cast your fate to the wind

I wasn’t planning on posting my outfit, but I ended up really liking what I wore to Seoul today. A few weeks ago I ordered a few dresses from the US using a shipping service, this is one of them by Her Universe. I’ve not owned anything by Her Universe before as it’s kind of expensive, but I’ve been wistfully looking at all of their Studio Ghibli stuff for a while and decided to just go for it. And I’m really happy! They crease super easily which is annoying, but they’re well made, a good length, really comfy, and they have pockets.

I also recently looked through my jewellery box for the first time since coming here, and it was like looking through a little time capsule of me. I don’t know if that sounds weird, I guess I’m just really connected to my jewellery and as I’ve been feeling a bit depressed and lost the past few months it felt really special to find it again. I decided to wear my labradorite necklace along with this froggy pendant I got in Kyoto, and I’d totally forgotten about my Pandora bracelet too. It’s my travel bracelet and I like to collect charms of each place I go as a little souvenir. I promptly added one for Korea, it has a little traditionally dressed couple on it. You can spot the Shiba dog I got for Japan, the windmill I got in Amsterdam, my NYC charm, and Duffy bear from DisneySea.

I’ve been in Korea for exactly 3 months now, and in a bit of a conundrum. On the one hand I have the opportunity to go live in Japan again and I’m in love with that idea - I enjoyed Japan so much while I was there, I really vibe with Japanese culture, so many of my interests are based in Japan - Disney, Ghibli, art supplies and stationary (cheap Copic markers! Tokyu Hands! Traveler’s Company!), the street fashion, their love of hobbies in general and how easy it is to try your hand at literally anything. Can you tell I miss Japan? I’ve felt especially homesick for it since coming to Korea as there are some similarities. But I also kind of want to go home, get a cute little apartment, maybe a pet, and work on my illustration business. I can work on some of that to an extent from abroad, but I can’t travel to conventions, selling online is difficult when you’re so far away with higher shipping costs from most of your audience, and it can be difficult to engage online with such huge time differences which algorithms hate. I kind of hate how it sounds, but I also just miss my stuff. I’m a collector, and I like making my living space my own. I have a lot of hobbies, I like fashion and dressing up. It’s hard living out of a suitcase as a maximalist and there’s always the nagging thought at the back of my head that even if I settle somewhere I’ll have to get all of the new stuff I get home with me someday. I get too emotionally attached to stuff to be able to just throw everything away, and I tend to only buy things I really love - if it’s ugly and basic them I don’t want it, I’d rather save up for a cuter version. So I don’t know what to do right now! One day I’m convinced of going to Japan, then the next I prefer the simplicity of home.

I did decide to make the most of being in Korea by getting a Samsung phone. I actually used to own a Z Flip 3, but returned it before the cool down period ran out as I couldn’t get used to Android after a lifetime of iPhone iOS - anyone who says it’s easy to switch has either never only used iPhone, or is straight up lying. Everything was frustrating, nothing felt intuitive. I’m sure Android users feel the same on an iPhone, I’m not saying one is better than the other, but it’s a massive learning curve that I couldn’t cope with. Add to that everything I imported from my iPhone was horribly mangled - all of my photos were out of order and in weird folders that weren’t as easily accessible as photos taken on the Flip, my Notes were a mess, I couldn’t even find half the stuff that had been on iCloud, apps I’d always used were either different or straight up unavailable. But dammit, I loved that phone! I loved how customizable it was both inside and out, and it never stops being amazing bending your screen in half. Plus I love how some apps integrated that feature, allowing you to use the phone in a compact position. They’re quite common over here and I was getting a bad case of the “I Want”s so I gave in as they’re so much cheaper here what with Samsung being a Korean company and all (like, half off kind of cheaper). And I love it! I’m going to be keeping my iPhone this time so I won’t need to import anything and have that big headache, and now I don’t have to constantly switch out my UK and Korean SIM cards. I got the blue model, and I’m in love with it as it’s my very favorite shade of periwinkle.

"You'll never have a face of your own until you've learned to fight. Believe me."

I got the Little My set from the Moomin x Traveler's Notebook collaboration, and I'm just so happy! I've loved Moomins for most of my life and Tove Jansson's artwork has always been a huge inspiration to my own illustration. Plus they're whimsical creatures that live in the forest, they're my whole vibe. There was a Snufkin Travelers Notebook released in 2021, but I waited it out hoping for a future release with more characters when Little My was announced. I loved the cover as soon as I saw it, but I still wanted to wait to see if actual Moomin came along. But then a couple of weeks ago I began sketching in a passport insert and I’ve realized how much I love this size and wanted a cover so I can turn it into a proper sketchbook to carry around with me. And the Little My cover was the only one that would do! I’m still hoping for a Moomin cover at a later date, but I’m also convinced that it’ll be a blue cover to match his eyes and probably a standard size, and whilst that’s OK (anything for Moomin!) I really prefer the brown colorway as I love how the leather patinas. Plus I love the quotes they’ve chosen for Little My!  I’m a naturally very anxious person so Little My’s bolshie attitude isn’t something I naturally connect with, but I could learn a lot from her assertiveness and need to channel her more.

I’ve really fallen in love with Travelers Notebook the past couple of months, it’s a brand I’ve dabbled in here and there for a few years but it never really clicked for me until recently. It’s basically a leather cover with an elastic band, which you use to hold together several thin notebooks. The company celebrates analogue and puts a lot of emphasis on these items being a companion for life, for it to age naturally from daily use and to see the beauty in a well loved product, and honestly I love that. In such a throwaway world it feels so romantic to buy an item once to take everywhere with you. It’s designed to be portable and easy to carry, and I love how the modular system allows me to compartmentalize. The cover is permanent, but the inserts are inexpensive and as disposable as you need them to be so if I’ve moved on from something emotionally, I can move on from it physically too. But also it can be really satisfying seeing a shelf fill up with your used inserts, and that’s the beauty of this notebook system, it can literally be anything you need it to be.

I’ve filled it with two inserts, one of plain paper which I’ve been doing ballpoint sketches in like some kind of Inktober challenge without it being Inktober. And a sketch paper insert, as I’ve noticed the plain paper ghosts a bit with the amount of ink I use. I love that I can carry two separate books everywhere with me, so I can use one to stick to my ink drawings but I have the other if I’m inspired to draw any other way. I thought at first the size would be too small to draw in (it’s literally the size of a passport) but it’s amazing how quickly I got used to it. I’ve had art block for over a year now, and this has inspired me to draw every day so I’ll take it!

Why else live if not for love?

I traveled into Seoul to see Moulin Rouge yesterday, and I enjoyed it so much more than I thought I would! I was really hoping I'd get to see a musical while I'm in Korea, partly as I just love musicals so much, but I was also kind of curious about how the experience would compare to the West End or Broadway. I knew there would obviously be a language barrier, so when I saw a poster advertising Moulin Rouge over Christmas it felt perfect as I'd already seen it on Broadway so knew it well and had something to compare it to. And looking at it objectively without all of the emotions of seeing my favorite actor Aaron Tveit and it being the show that made me realize my dream of traveling to New York, I think I actually enjoyed it more in Korea? Although I admit I do think a big part of it was the language barrier as I couldn't tell the awful script so I could just project what they were saying and the tone didn't feel so inconsistent and it overall just felt less Glee like (Moulin Rouge is one of my all time favorite movies, and one of the worst written musicals I've ever seen. My feels on it are COMPLICATED)

The staging was ever so slightly different for Korea, there was no 'can-can seating' for one, which is where the stage in the Al Hirschfeld literally wraps around the first few rows of the audience. I think the stage was just too high for that to be viable, and it didn't hurt the show at all - if anything I always felt that the people in the can-can seats probably missed out on a lot of the show. There also weren't any side stages, or dancers gyrating in cages before the show started, which I can't say took away from the experience.

Top two photos of the Korean production, while the bottom photo is of the Broadway production for comparison. You can also just see the people sitting in the middle of the stage in the bottom photo, which are the can-can seats.

I felt like the emphasis is more on the acting in Korea than it perhaps is on Broadway and the West End. Like with Aaron Tveit's performance as Christian specifically I feel like fans are more impressed by his singing ability and whether or not he 'opts up' during El Tango De Roxanne rather than how he's actually performing the character, and with all of the actors I saw in the New York show they just felt more concerned with a voice performance and just projecting the acting as big as they could. And don't get me wrong I loved it and could tell how hard everyone was working on that stage, but the acting in the Korean production didn't feel as exaggerated or over the top and so just felt more believable as a result (and the theater in Korea was much bigger than the Al Hirschfeld too, before anyone tries to jump in with that). The Korean cast were still all incredible singers, but it didn't feel like the sole purpose of the performance, and if the singing had to be taken down a notch for an acting choice then so be it. I'm not saying either is better, it just felt like the priorities were different between the two productions and I liked it a lot more and I was able to get really lost in the show. I even shed a few tears when Satine died as the whole emotional turmoil of the characters leading up to that point just felt so much better executed than what I saw in New York which fell a bit flat.

I really loved the chemistry between the two leads, I saw Lee Choong Joo as Christian and Kim Ji Woo as Satine (there are two main casts as they perform more than 8 shows per week). Christian was perfect, he was so fresh faced with wide-eyed wonder that it felt very believable that he'd get obsessed with Satine and this was his first experience with love, whereas Satine felt older and world-weary by comparison. At least until halfway through Elephant Love Medley, when she begins to fall for Christian and starts to light up around him, and she's devastated by the Duke later in the show. It felt like such a natural progression to their relationship, and I believed in it, unlike on Broadway where I always got the vibe that Karen Olivo and Aaron Tveit didn't like each other much in real life which spilled over into complete indifference on the stage so I never bought into their romance. And I feel bad saying that because I really love Aaron and I feel like I'm really dragging him in this entry, but I truly feel that Christian is his weakest role he's ever done which is why it pains me so bad that he's so attached to it.

The whole entire Korean cast were amazing, with particular shout out to Zidler and Nini. I also really liked Lee Chang Yong as the Duke, a role that I found kind of ridiculous on Broadway, but he felt much less comical and more genuinely threatening in this production. Several times I felt like he had a kind of young De Niro energy, and he seemed like he was deriving actual pleasure from making these people as miserable as possible, which makes more sense for this iteration of the character honestly as he doesn’t really have any other motive unlike the movie.

I don't mean to do so many direct comparisons between Broadway and Seoul, but it's difficult not to when I have such an emotional attachment to this show. And I do feel like a lot of my preference for the Korean production comes down to the fact that I couldn't understand what they were saying, so I wasn't internally playing 'Name That Tune' every five minutes, and I couldn't pick up on the cheesy dialogue or inappropriate tone for the moment. I could just pretend to myself that they were saying the right thing for the given moment, and it's kind of a shame because it proves that this show could of worked if it was better written by people who actually cared about and understood the source material, which I felt the Korean production obviously does.

As for the actual theater experience in Korea: I was so anxious leading up to it, more so the idea of getting to my seat and having the box office staff (I had to collect my ticket, and OMG I'm so excited over a real, actual ticket and not a QR code!!! They even gave free photo cards of the leads 🥰 I hate this shift to digital only options in Europe so much, give me my memento!!!), the usher, potentially the audience members to get to my seat, and having them find out I couldn't speak Korean and omg why is she even here if she can't understand the show?? Of course none of that happened, and everything was fine. If anything I was surprised at how few people I had to interact with compared to the West End or Broadway: there were no security or bag checks, no one telling you where your seat is, staff in general felt kind of minimal. Other than the box office, the only person I interacted with was the usher checking my ticket as I went in and I could get away with a simple "감사합니다"

There's no food or drinks allowed in the actual theater which I liked a lot, as someone with auditory processing issues it really affects my ability to focus on and hear the show when someone is loudly chewing and rustling packets behind me, so I really appreciated that. For the actual BlueSquare Theatre specifically there isn't much of a rake to the seating, and the mezzanine/dress circle felt like it started about 5 miles back from the stage. I was 4th row from the front in the orchestra/stalls, which felt perfect for the height of the stage. Unlike London there's ample leg room and you don't have to fold yourself up like a pretzel to sit down. I also noticed a lot of people were there by themselves, which also made me really happy. I go to the theater by myself a lot, and the West End is intent on making this more and more difficult by even refusing to sell less than two tickets at a time in some instances which is gross. I like cultures that support independence!

I know my blog readership is exclusively Western, but I thought I'd detail it in case you ever find yourself over here. And I really do recommend going, I had so much fun and it's one of my favorite experiences I'd had in Korea. It also felt kind of testament to just how much I love musical theater as I just switched off to the language barrier and got into that zone and thoroughly loved it. It’s just the medium, it means so much to me.

I saw a poster on my way back to the train station for Sweeney Todd, so I guess now the question is do I go see that as well 😈

So the days float through my eyes, But still the days seem the same

One second of each and every day this past year. It may be small to some, but it feels like a major accomplishment to me. I am notorious for beginning things and promptly losing interest. But I stuck with it, for a whole year, and I'm tremendously proud of that. Especially considering I decided to start it on a whim last January 1st, with no prior planning or forethought. I'm also glad I picked 2022, as it ended up being a year I'd want to remember.

As much joy as this video gives me and how much I love seeing the little moments I'd of otherwise forgotten, I'm honestly relieved to stop and put it behind me. At round the 6 month point it became very difficult to not make it repetitive, as I was determined to try and capture something a little different each day so the clips wouldn't all merge into one and be boring to watch even for me. And for the past 6 weeks where I've been adjusting to a new country it's felt like more of a chore than ever, and I can see the sharp decline in my clips from mid November as I just filmed anything.

I'm also looking forward to not documenting everything. While some days I very almost forgot, other days I filmed several little clips so I could pick the best one, and documenting so much of your life becomes exhausting. Not every little thing needs to be documented and photographed and remembered, and over documenting my whole entire life is not a habit I want to get into. Sometimes I want to just experience stuff and get lost in that moment.

I originally drew this for 2021 (it's how you wish someone a happy new year in Danish, because I am Danish). I've not drawn as much as I'd of liked to this past year, but I've mostly just been trying to survive it. Life was really great pre-Covid, but ever since it's gotten steadily worse and I've just been floundering. And I say this every year, but I am hopeful for 2023. I know things don't magically improve January 1st and I get tired of that reductive take, I just appreciate the clean slate feeling a new year brings. You can leave your baggage at the door and start again. And I'm working really hard to try and improve things for myself. I feel like I've had a very introspective winter season so far, and I have a much clearer idea of what it is I'm hopefully heading towards and want to make happen for myself.

Emily, it's your life and you can't live it twice

I traveled into Seoul yesterday just for something to do. I've only lived in Korea for one month exactly, but I'm not having a great time honestly and don't plan on staying for long. In 2020 I lived in Japan, and although things were difficult because of a certain pandemic and all of the uncertainty that came with that, I mostly really enjoyed it. I had planned to do something else after but it fell through, and I wanted to go back to Japan but unfortunately the borders were still closed so I decided to come to Korea instead even though I'd never been here before. And really that was a mistake. It shares just enough similarities with Japan to make me upset that I'm not there instead, but it's different enough to give me culture shock. And there's just not enough positives here to make me want to emotionally work through it, I'd rather just bounce. As you travel you realize that some places are just not meant for you, and that's okay.

Seoul may not be as fun as Tokyo, but it still gives me something to do and I really wanted to get a pair of Doc Marten mary janes which are cheaper in Korea than I've ever seen anywhere else (which is absolutely crazy to me considering I used to live in the UK where DMs are from yet are more expensive there!) So I traveled to Myeong-dong and had a 'treat yourself' kind of day.

One of my favorite stores in Seoul is Kyobo Bookstore in Gwanghwamun, so that's where I started. This store has both of my loves combined - stationary and books. It has a really good selection of foreign books too; there's a large display of Japanese magazines and mooks, and a respectable collection of English language novels that aren't too expensive.

I got a bit emotional seeing one of my favorite books on display. I really wanted to buy it, but I had to stop myself as I don't want to fill up my suitcases unnecessarily. They also had the sequel which was wild to me as I couldn't even find that in a bookstore back home.

There's also a stationary store at the back called Hot Tracks where you can buy a lot of fun stickers and other Japanese imported goods. I bought a Pompompurin phone case which I've had my eye on for a while, he's my favorite of the Sanrio crew but I unexpectedly really like how his yellow compliments my green iPhone. They have so many awesome phone cases here, but as you could probably guess they're mostly for Samsung which kind of sucks to be me. There's an Alice in Wonderland case where the back opens into a mirror compact and I would give anything.

I got one of these Pokemon blind boxes hoping for Oshawott who is my favorite and never featured in anything, but obviously I got the ugliest Pokemon and I'm still mad about it.

Afterwards I walked to Myeong-dong, and stopped on the way to get an iced drink from Baskin Robbins because I guess I wasn't cold enough in -10°c. I've literally never set foot in a Baskin Robbins before but they have such cute things here that I was curious. I got a Purin Peach Blast which is supposed to be Jigglypuff themed but came in a boring plain cup (I'm not that into Pokemon, I just like anything cute) The best thing about Korea is how much peach flavor stuff there is, it's my favorite and so hard to get anywhere else. This was literally just a peach iced drink with cubes of peach jello inside it. It was nice, but it was also snowing and I've never been so cold in my entire life.

Myeong-dong lit up for the holidays.